“There is no power in blame.” -Author Unknown
“How can I blame the wind for the mess it made, if it was me who opened the window?!” -Author unknown
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.” -Chinese Proverb
God does not give us the right to blame.
I have been very good at blaming in my life: blaming others, blaming circumstances, blaming lack, blaming limitations, and so on. As I try to raise my kids well though, blame has come to the forefront of my attention. It is so much easier to find fault in others than to look at ourselves. In seeing my kids blame one another, me, or circumstances, I see how futile and toxic and unproductive it is to blame.
I want to help the kids to see things differently. In this process I was convicted internally with the realization that I am the one who has modeled blaming for them all these years and if I want them to know better and do better, I have to model better. I have to take responsibility and be accountable. I have to own up to my faults, mistakes and shortcomings. There is a quote, and I don’t know who the author is, but it has been said that “what you don’t own, owns you.”
It will be an imperfect process, but I am striving toward improvement in this area. I have to stop blaming because it is true: “There is no power in blame.”
I have also heard it said that “my problems are of my own making.” I can attest to this. I have stood in my own way and created a lot of problems for myself all on my own. Acknowledging my part in my problems as well as modeling blame mindset and blaming behaviors in front of my children may look a lot like self-blame. As it says above in the Chinese Proverb, if I blame myself, I am only halfway there. It’s a fine line in taking responsibility and blaming oneself. I am not trying to blame myself and it is not meant to be self-deprecating either. I think the line is learning the practice of taking responsibility and being accountable while also giving myself grace, compassion and forgiveness.
“Do the best you can until you know better. When you know better, do better.” -Maya Angelou
I know better now. I know I did the best I could over the years with the tools I had, but I can do better now. As Annie Grace says, “all change happens on the other side of awareness.”
I want to do better. I want to show my kids they can have a better life by not making problems for themselves that are avoidable.
Blame is never the answer. The power lies within.
